Clarity, Part 2

I will be revisiting the Clarity section of Rules for Writers within this post. I will be looking at four brand new topics and in turn will revise my topic with new topics in mind.

normalityrelief. "Clarity" 3/5/11 via Flickr. Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic

Active Verbs:

• The definition of an active verb really clarified what I needed to do better.
• An active verb is the strongest from of a verb
• There are some cases where passive can be used, but the active tone is the most common
• Be verbs are also weak
• In order to use an active verb correctly, we first have to decide upon the subject

Needed words:

• Even though it may seem right, leaving out specific words may not always be grammatically correct
• Adding the word "that" can always be used when there are doubts of the audience misreading the sentence

Mixed Constructions:

• Sentences are limited in the range of grammatical patterns they can be in
• In order to revise, the author must be aware of the purpose and subject of their sentence
• The author must think through the sentences logically and revise as such
• Phrases such as "is where" or "is when" should try to be avoided

Distracting Shifts:

• Keep the point of view consistent in both person and number
• Basically, in order to avoid distracting shifts the author must keep everything consistent and in turn, be aware of the tenses they are using

Now, I will apply what I have learned to my own draft.

Active Verbs: 

After reading comments on my draft, I noticed a few that had said I needed to be aware of active verb use within my QRG. Once I scanned my draft I found that I could incorporate some active verbs into my text. As of right now, it is difficult to see the passive tones, but as I continue to revise, I will improve upon what I have learned.

Needed Words:

I have always struggled with this. For some reason, I feel like an essay should be written as spoken speech, and then it never comes across correctly. For example, in my QRG was this sentence: 

"On the darker side, it ravages many people within our society, controlling every aspect of their life until they have nothing left."

I noticed that this sentence could be misread, even though I included the subject as addiction in the last sentence. So, to fix the sentence, I changed it to:

"On the darker side, addiction ravages many people within our society, and it controls every aspect of an addict's life until they have nothing left."

Mixed Constructions:

I feel that I did well for this aspect of my paper. I didn't notice any mixed constructions the first time around, but as I continue to revise, I will stay aware and be sure to straighten out anything that is unclear.

Distracting Shifts:

After reading this section, this sentence stuck out to me in my draft.

"The BDMA (Brain Disease Model of Addiction), which describes addiction as a disease with origins outside of the abuser’s control, has been the most widely accepted within the Neuroscience community. However, there are still a prominent number of scientists who disagree completely, and claim that considering addiction as a disease is harming those they try to heal."

The tenses change and it is therefore considered a distracting shift. In order to revise, I changed it to:

"The BDMA (Brain Disease Model of Addiction), which describes addiction as a disease with origins outside of the abuser’s control, has been the most widely accepted within the Neuroscience community. However, there are still a prominent number of scientists who have disagreed , and claimed that considering addiction as a disease is harming those they try to heal."